"You Fat Keep You Warm": Consuela In The Flesh!

It has been awhile since I have seen Tracy Anderson's Dance Cardio or Mat Workout Routines.  I'll be honest.  I do miss her and the routines...even though the music was getting to where Matthew even knew the words and it was driving us both crazy!  I was beginning to create a music compilation to play while I had the DVD on mute that featured Gnarls Barkley, The Cure, and Radiohead when suddenly...

I BECAME CONSUELA.

No, I didn't suddenly get an amazing accent and say, "I noooo" or "I need more Lemon Pledge".  I was hired as a Custodian, and so I get to wear fancy yellow gloves just like my favorite character from Family Guy.  Lucky, right? :)...okay, so no, it's not paying my bills through my artwork, and it's not teaching either, but we do what we do to get by.  Besides that, I have an awesome coworker and amazing Supervisors.  In that regard, I did get extremely lucky!

Since I have become a kindred spirit of Consuela, I have not had the energy to even think about doing a Tracy Anderson routine.  Custodian work is no joke!  It is not very much different than an eight hour workout.  I spend the time with a raised heart rate by walking, bending, lifting, carrying, pushing, pulling, and above all else, SWEATING! 

I lost weight due to this job.  If anyone is serious about weight loss, I would suggest a manual labor line of work if they do not want to workout on their own time. It has taken a couple of weeks for my body to get used to the job.  In the beginning, I couldn't hardly walk the next day until it was time to go back in.  Now, I am only stiff for a couple of hours in the morning, and then I'm alright.  As the week progresses, my muscles get more tired and the weekends are great for recuperating.  I'm hoping with time the tired stiffness will continue to lessen. 

This past Sunday when I weighed myself, I weighed the same as I did the previous week.  I'm not worried.  I know that in the next couple of weigh-ins I will lose more, and this is just how my body functions.  If I don't lose more weight, I will know that it is time to add Tracy Anderson back into the mix, and my body will be prepared for it...though I'm hoping that I don't have to go to such an extreme.  

As for Consuela, here are some of her funniest moments courtesy of YouTube (uploaded by ProductionsPerez):

http://youtu.be/QZP7or7hMS0

Enjoy!

Dear Susan Anton, You Awkward Diva, You!

Oh, Susan Anton and the Slimatics videos of my youth.  Somehow we had a couple of these Slimatics videos in our house when I was growing up, and I believe that this is how I got hooked on Dance Cardio workouts.  I had a love/hate relationship with them.  I loved them and hated them for their outrageously cheesy saxophone music, obnoxiously shiney apparrel, and Susan Anton's wannabe-Mick Jagger moves.  Her moves gave comedic relief, and I couldn't help but giggle a bit during the workout. 

I hated the cool-downs though.  She always looked at the camera and adjusted her hair as if she was the sexiest thing since...sliced bread?  It was awkward and uncomfortable.

Anyway, she was a nerd for sure, which was comforting to a chubby ten year old.  I loved when she made mistakes.  That was the best part of the whole thing.  It was hilarious.  I coveted those parts of the workout.  "Silly fool.  Everybody knows that the grapevine move is next."

Perhaps we should bring it back so exercisers will not feel inadequate next to the fitness goddesses in videos today.  The shiney, annoying spandex.  The sweatbands.  The awful saxophones.  The awkward sequences.  If only Samm and I lived closer.

If you asked me at the time if I worked out to those videos, I would have denied it with embarrassment.  I knew it wasn't a "cool".  But you ask me this now, and I will stand up and cheer!  Susan Anton's Slimatics videos were the bees knees of humourous workouts!  Hellz to the yes!  

Drum roll please...


Hold onto your hats!


I'm down to 168.8!!  That's -4.0 impossible pounds! (5.8 since Aug 14th)

No, I will be one of those people who tell you "this week was better because I did everything right.  I kept track of every calorie!", because that would be a lie.  This week was similar to the ones before.  I cannot explain to you why all of a sudden a body wants to function properly.  It puts up quite a fight sometimes when we are doing all of the right things and still do not see it reflected in emperical progress.  Our bodies can be so stubbornly resistant to change.

Fitness gurus get my [insert "feathers ruffled", or "panties in a bunch", or basically any polite way of saying "pissed off" or "-ing annoyed"] when they make losing weight seem so simple by saying, "It's all about burning more calories than you take in.  It's a numbers game."  Really?  Is it?  Because my body does not go by that simple formula.  It holds on.  It resists.  It fights to keep every calorie packed onto it for an energy savings account anywhere it can fit.  Sometimes it feels like a two-year old with a death grip on a sucker.  You know you're stronger than the two-year old, but it takes a long time to finally pull the chubby, sticky, clenched fingers off the little stick. 

Not that I'm running around stealing suckers from two-year olds world round, but you can imagine...any red flavor especially.

Do I feel different? Yes, a little.  I notice in the mornings that I physically feel a bit lighter...not as much gravity weighing me down I guess?  I've noticed that my stomach has lost some of it's padding.  I don't feel as fatigued during the day as I did before I started exercising more (about 6 weeks ago).  I don't have to rely on afternoon coffee for energy, though I enjoy it when I can.  I have slept a lot better and haven't had any insomniac spells since I started this, which truly is saying something.  There's less time of laying my head on the pillow before I am asleep, and I haven't had to do my countdown trick to get to sleep either....more on that later. 

Bring on Week Six!

Fat Media

This is an advertisement I came across in an artist's blog.  It's a print advertisement from Anabell to fight Bulimia.  They should have included yellow teeth and thin-falling-out hair...it must be a wig, because I don't think a Bulimic of that extreme could grow such luxurious hair.  I think what's more frightening than the doll itself would be the accessories that would come with it.  Accessories are always important when chosing a Barbie.  Just sayin'.

Another interesting thing I came across is a television show called "Supersize vs. Superskinny".  It's on OWN on Monday nights and it's such a crazy show!  One extremely thin person and an overweight person trade their typical diets for a week to come to the realization of how their nutrition is ridiculous.  I would think that this would be dangerous, and it may be, but it is a powerful teacher to the participants.  If you have yet to see this, check it out!  It also has little excerpts of fun little exposes on different topics throughout the show that are extremely interesting. 

Another television show is about to begin too - my true addiction - "The Biggest Loser".  It is once again without Jillian Michaels, which completely sucks, but I will watch it anyway.  Love me some Bob Harper, and it's fabulous when he gets mad enough to drop profanities.  There's something fascinating about that.  Anyway, I look forward to being motivated by that show...I vow to no longer eat ice cream or pizza while watching it this season.  What is with that anyway?  I know a ton of people that eat "naughty" things while watching that show.  Are we just rebels?  We are rebels armed with cake as we watch other people in excruciating workouts sweating until they look as if they went swimming with their clothes on.

I wonder what would happen if we actually did this at a gym as we watched people workout.  It would be a freakin' anarchy!  I would love to see a flashmob do THIS!  Oprah's Michigan Avenue dance mob would have nothing on the cake, pizza, and icecream eaters at a 24 Hour Fitness!

Dramatic Results on a Diagonal!

This is my progress so far that brings total weight lost to 1.8 pounds.  Not bad for FOUR WEEKS of SWEATY HELL.  (*Please note that the math is incorrect on the chart - I left it as a notification of my being mathematically optimistic...some may call it 'challenged'.)

Anyway, after seeing my weak results after a month of hardwork, I decided that perhaps photography propaganda could help.

Note that the chart is the same, but the diagonal angle makes my 1.6 pounds super dramatic.  Fantastic!
(This is not unlike the Before photos of non-smiling slouching people to the After photos of smiling sucking in populations.)

I have been moving around, sweating, eating well, and being diligent.  I haven't been counting my points on paper, though I know I have been in my goal range.  This is going to be a LOOOOONG journey, but as the saying goes "Blah blah,blah ..blah."

I pledge the following for my week:

*  WRITE DOWN my weight watchers points, for crying out loud.
*  Make sure I break a sweat for 5 of the 7 days.
*  Drink my water!!!!  Take multivitamin and Omegas.


....I think I have the metabolism of a 150 year old woman, or perhaps my body is deeply emotionally attached to fat cells.  They picnic together and enjoy long walks on the beach...

C'mon, Metabolism-  You better get going in Week Five!!!

Going Vegetarian: A Red Button Issue

Faced with a wonderful portabello burger, one has to ask the question, "Why am I not a vegetarian?"  Matthew and I went over to our friends' place the other night and they cooked up some big beautiful portabello mushroom caps that had been marinated.  We put them between toasted buns and it was amazing.  I didn't miss the beef at all - they were SO GOOD, that I can not tell you enough.  We also had vegetable skewers of summer squash, onion, green and red peppers - who can resist that?!

They are awesome vegetarians.  I say "awesome" not only because they are awesome people, but also because they do not frown upon our lack of being vegetarians.  You know the type who are horrible vegetarians - the ones who "moo" as you take a bite of your burger, or tell you all sorts of tales of horrendous cruelty as you cook up a chicken breast.  They are not these people.  Instead they are beyond accommodating and considerate.  They realize that the decision they made with their nutrition is their decision alone....they are "pro-choice nutritionists"!  What's not to love about that?!

Growing up, I was never one of those children who frowned at their brussel sprouts.  Instead, the vegetables were my favorite part and I always had seconds.  I'm still that same way - I actually prefer the vegetable portions over meat.  For one thing, meat always leaves this horrible taste in my mouth, and I have to immediately eat chew gum or something sweet to battle that meat mouth.  Yuk.

I have also grown oversensitive to hunting - being raised in a Indiana family of hunters where it was common place to find a dead deer hanging inside a barn waiting to be filleted, my oversensitivity was not expected.  The last few times I saw a deer being loaded up in the back of a truck made tears roll from my eyes.  I can't handle it emotionally as an adult. 

On our move out to Oregon, Matt and I saw a lot of horrifying things from the highway that said a lot about meat production in this country.  Dirty, stinky, and beyond enormous facilities, along with semi-trailers filled with animals scrunched together with feathers flying all over the road.  It definitely scarred us, and we have changed some of our ways because of what we saw.

On a less emotional note, meat can be so expensive.  Many of our meals in this apartment are actually vegetarian without that goal in mind.  I believe that we really could go without meat for a long long time and not miss it.

So why am I not a vegetarian?  Because of the red button phenomenon.  The minute I declare, "I am a vegetarian" will be the day that I can think of nothing other than steak, burgers, chicken, and tuna noodle casserole.  The foods I could not have would be an obsession at all hours of the day, and I would probably find myself eating more meat than I do now.  It would be a full out rebellion against broccoli.  This is one of my flaws of character, and yes, I own up to it.

Sorry if I offended anyone with this post - that is not my intention at all.  I just wanted to share a personal debate that's been going on in my brain for the past few years.  I consider myself a pro-choice nutritionist as well, so no, I will not glare at you or be offended as you eat your deer jerky, I promise.

Love to all -

If You're Eating Right or Hate Gluttony, Do Not Read This

So my week has been filled with failure, new horizons, chicken chimichangas, and pizza.
It was a week of a ridiculous schedule made completely impossible by lack of sleep and then too much sleep...(like Seinfeld, I even out). 

I also ran out of my beloved Cinnamon Puffins that inspire great poetry. 

It was all downhill from there.  It's amazing what havoc occured due to interruptions in my routine.  It was made obvious this week that despite all of my drive to get healthy, I am out of control when I'm not following a schedule.  Not to mention that when I didn't have enough sleep, I knew that I would be reaching for fatty goodness.  In preparation, I walked down to the gas station to buy Donut Replacement Therepy (aka "anything remotely healthy found at a gas station").  I'm glad I picked Trail Mix because I was promptly inhaling it two hours later.  I did have a moment when I looked down at my cupped hand full of raisins, peanuts, cashews, and sunflower seeds and thought, "What the hell am I doing?"  I never thought I'd see the day when I binged on trail mix, but there you have it.

Of course, the week didn't get better eating wise.  I began a physically demanding job this week, and after a single day, my legs were completely crippled from my hips to my heels.  Being unemployed for a year and then just hopping right in with more energized enthusiasm than a body can handle will do that to someone.  I hobbled to the closest Mexican Restaurant to make up for the calories lost.

I refuse to weigh in tomorrow, not because I failed this past week, but because I don't want Samm to feel so bad after I show him that I lost 20 pounds in a single week by eating pizza and Mexican food.  That would be rude.  Don't you agree?  Friends don't do that to friends, especially when he's gone organic and stuff.  heeheehee...actually, I KNOW what I weigh because I feel it.  I don't need the numbers to let me know that I feel all flipflopped around and a mess.  It's obvious that this week I completely backtracked, and did not lose weight or get healthier (although the pizza did have pineapple on it - that counts as fruit/veg, right?).  I REFUSE TO SEE THE NUMBERS.  I WANT TO BE IN DENIAL...so I will be.  :)  On Monday, I can pretend that nothing happened, and I'll make sure I have my damn Puffins, and good sleep. 

Cheers to catching up with the damn wagon.

Rethink. Rewind. Revamp.

I have been playing with the idea that weight loss, for me, isn’t about smaller portions of what I’ve been eating for years.  Instead, over the past few weeks I’ve done a complete overhaul on what I choose to put in my body (although the occasional Twizzlers is still a very real part of my diet).  I have done a bit of reading about all of the chemicals in our food, and although I had to stop reading the book that shall remain nameless (see prior posts), I did get a bit of insight into how our bodies handles those chemically laden foods.  It doesn’t.   Our bodies are not recognizing many of the foods we eat as actual foods because of the trend to replace what’s real with what’s cheap.  We suffer as a result in a number of ways – from not feeling satiated after we’ve eaten to not giving our bodies what our bodies need to carry us around each and every day (I maintain that the occasional Twizzlers is perfectly acceptable).

I recently began an organic local produce delivery in an attempt to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables.  I’m not saying organic is the way to go, but I’m giving it a try.  There's something about eating foods untouched by potentially harmful chemicals and antibiotics that reminds me of a simpler time when drive through windows and 44ounce soft drinks would have only existed in science fiction (early science fiction, maybe?).  So far, I have to admit (although extremely unscientifically) that the food actually tastes much better than produce from big box stores, which is often genetically modified to the point of not really being food at all.  Here’s my first produce order:

I also had some staples like chicken, brown and basmati rice, all natural peanut butter (with peanuts being the only ingredient), eggs, and a few other odds and ends thrown in to get me started properly.  I’ll be updating periodically with updates about my deliveries as well as new foods I try as a result of exposure to several new fruits and vegetables that I never would have thought about purchasing at my local grocery store, such as kale.  When was the last time kale was on YOUR grocery list?  I did a quick Internet search on kale preparation and discovered that many people are raving about baked kale chips.  With kale in hand, I decided to give it a try.

It was delicious and amazingly simple.  In a large bowl, I mixed the kale (broken up into chip-sized pieces with the stalks removed) and just a splash of olive oil, added some freshly ground sea salt, then baked at 300 degrees for 22 minutes.  The recipe I found suggested 20 minutes, but I found that the extra 2 minutes helped the chips get a bit crunchier and gave them a deeper smoky flavor.

Oh, and forgive the low quality photos as my Blackberry's camera is on par with dollar store disposables.