Fatty Abroad with Idiot Science

When I decided to buckle down again on Wednesday, I didn't weigh myself.  I have been staying a steady weight down to the tenth of a pound for the past month to my annoyance.  I dreaded seeing that number yet again...or perhaps a gain.  Although, what is weight after all?  It's only a gravitational pull on mass, right? 

I finally weighed myself yesterday and to my surprise I was already down two pounds from last week!  This puts me a week ahead in my goals, which is really great, and I don't have to see that same pesky number that has been annoying me, which is even better.  Then I started to really think about weight and if it really matters.  We shouldn't be upset or disappointed by the scale, because after all, look at these fatties.

A Rhino.  A severe fatty if I ever saw one because I'm sure that he has at least a ton on all of us, yet rhinos are adorable.  Perhaps they would not be as adorable when filled with rage and in person, but in photos, they are triumphantly sweet.  If I could make a daisy chain necklace for this one, I  believe that it would increase the gentle sweetness of this fattie (note the "ie").

A mountain.  Imagine the gravitational pull on this massively massive mass.  Fatty for sure.  Perhaps even the fattest fatty on our planet.  We are all waif-like by comparison, which is pretty fantastic.

Our beautiful moon, which has been extremely and dangerously distracting while I've been driving home over the past few nights due to it's absolute gorgeousness.  It's exaggeratingly rounded and catches it's own glow from the reflecting sun rays.  Fat. Fat. Fattest.  I wonder how much it actually weighs?  Then again, it is in space, the lucky devil, so it does have an advantage.  It must live in denial due to how it floats about out there.

These fish are definitely in denial...or are they?  After all, they live their whole lives in water, so really, weight is relative isn't it?  It really doesn't matter at all.  I wonder how much I weigh on the highest mountain, compared to sea level, and then in water.  It would be drastically different, and I bet by my underwater weight would make the Hollywood waifs jealous.  IN YOUR FACE! (This aggression is simply due to all of us having to look at these airbrushed already-thin-enough celebrities.)

Weight is what keeps us from becoming airborne and using tethered ropes to get around.  Weight is a good and fantastic thing, especially for those of us petrified of heights.  An ounce of broccoli is one ounce away from being space junk, and just think! - When we were babies, we were only 7 ounces away from floating out our car seats!  There would be terrified mothers everywhere.  I guess weight is relative and as long as the gravitational pull remains the same where we weigh ourselves, it can be used as only one simple measure of our health.  It is not the primary factor.

Then I saw the standing brooms all over facebook.  Perhaps this is why I am down by two pounds? lol  Go figure.  :)

**I am now fantasizing about a show produced by Ricky Gervais in which he sends me to places to weigh myself...Carl can come with me too so that I may laugh in how my cheerfulness can actually make a person more miserable.  ;)

Being Trained By Jillian Michaels

Just when I thought that I had all I needed, I watched a Jillian Michaels Body Revolution infomercial.

This is what I get for waking up before the Today Show and having some time on my hands.  I'm not buying this, but it is tempting.  It looks amazing due to the exercises and Jillian's power to motivate me.  When I do her other DVDs (Cardio Kickboxing, Frontside, Backside), she has this strange power over me to do my absolute best no matter my discomfort.  I can't let her down...even if I realize that she is a flat character on a television screen that cannot actually see me.

Or can she?  I think one of the things that Jillian Michaels has over other fitness gurus is the fact that we have seen her in action with all several personality types and physical abilities of people on The Biggest Loser.  We sometimes share similar personal narratives with some of the contestants on the show, and due to that connection, we feel as though a part of us is being represented and seen.  Oh, the glories of reality TV - love it or hate it, it brings out commonalities and differences between all of us.

The bottom line is that we know that her method delivers results and she has extremely high expectations no matter who she trains.

Maybe at some point I will buy this system - it is kind of pricey, but not when one considers that it comes with 15 thirty-minute workouts and other side items, it's only about $8 for each workout video.
If you're interested, you can get more info and order it at www.jillianbodyrevolution.com.

If any of you have this already or try it out, I really would love to hear what you think of it!  Perhaps I am in a morning fog on this one...which could be why infomercials aire when they do.

Damn them.

Spring Rejuvenation

Spring is springing into the Pacific Northwest!  Matthew and I took a long walk yesterday after I got off work and buds were everywhere!  It's the beginning again -

This time of year is rejuvenating, and I'm going to seize that energy!  I revised my guidelines and here goes:

1.  Follow Weight Watcher's Point System. (I have been doing the calorie count thing for the past few months and it's somehow not really working...at all.)
2.  Drink 64 ounces of water daily. (I have not been doing this very well over the past month making it seem that retaining water is a new found hobby.)
3.  Eat all food before 8 pm.  (I do not mean eat all food found in house before 8.  I'm simply saying that I need to stop eating about 3 hours before bedtime.)
4.  Exercise 5 days per week.  So many activities! http://youtu.be/U8N7h2p1Bko
5.  Eat breakfast, and take multivitamin daily.
6.  RECORD EVERYTHING!  (myfitnesspal.com has been helpful and made me realize this important aspect)


This all starts today!  Yes, it's a Wednesday, not a Monday, and I'm proud of it!  For exercise today, I'll be doing Walk Away the Pounds and one of the Jillian Michaels DVDs to make an hour's worth of exercise.  (I still have not lost my sights on taking iceskating lessons - it will happen later this year, and I really look forward to it!  I'll keep you posted!)

Sorry for beginning this over and over again on this blog - this hasn't been easy to change my lifestyle.  I'm just refusing to lose hope of getting it together, darn it!  The mantra needs to change from "I hope" to "I will".  When you have changed your lifestyle or accomplished goals, what has helped you on your journey the most?

I stole this from the fb wall of Coach Hidi's Beachbody Fitness Group!  Hidi Graff has been a extremely great motivator and inspires me constantly with her posts - thank you, Hidi!

I'm a Wannabe Ice Diva

So what is all of this health stuff for?  What is all of this exercise for?  Inspired by my Momalah learning a hobby and some lady on an Oprah rerun, I now have a goal that will give me some direction.  I'll give you a hint...

Please excuse the aerobic exercise musak and the commentator..."Look at the position in that camel...that's good."

Debi Thomas was a favorite in my family - I remember my Mom and especially my Aunt Corrine rooting for her during the 1988 Olympics.  This is when I became a fan of figure skating.  All of this time I thought that I had missed the boat.  I thought one needed to be training at five years old in order to do this, and then I saw the lady on Oprah who began figure skating in her 40s or 50s in order to lose weight and get healthy.

Well, cheers to that!

I have decided to begin adult figure skating lessons in March or May (depending upon financial budget)!  Triple Axl, here I come!  Okay, perhaps one needs to learn how to skate first...but I am extremely excited and feel that the exercising that I'm doing now is going to contribute to getting me ready for this learning experience.  Thank goodness I love everything about falling too!  I'm sure I will get quite a few time-outs due to my laugh attacks...hopefully I will learn to contain it a bit, but then again, if I haven't learned how to do that for the past thirty years, how the hell am I going to learn how to do that now?...Perhaps, I will fashion some sort of mask and gag so they cannot hear or see my face contorting into hysterics.

Until then, my exercise will have a new meaning as it prepares me for the skating lessons...you know, so that way I don't break an arm or leg in the first week...if this happens in the third week or after a month, I will feel quite accomplished indeed! lol

...please knock on wood...   :)

Exercise - It's What's For Dinner

As you know, I've been doing the myfitnesspal thing in order to keep a food diary and understand calories better.  My calories are quite low - 1200 daily target in order to lose 1.5 pounds weekly.  This has been difficult to accomplish honestly.  The only way that I have found to be successful is by burning some calories through exercise.  Right or wrong, I am exercising so that I can eat more and still be successful on reaching the target without going way over it.

I've always heard that if one eats less than 1200 calories daily that the body's starvation mode is activated...then I heard that it was eating less than 800.  I really don't know which number it is, but none the less, I do make sure than I have ate at least 1200 calories so that I don't run into this.  Don't worry, y'all, anorexia does not live here!

Antoinette, one of our readers, wrote about great success with her Jillian Michaels DVDs, and this encouraged me.  I had just dug them out of hiding and have used them quite a bit over the past month.  Thanks, Antoinette!  I mean, why did I bother to buy all of these DVDs if they are only to be piled away gaining dust?

The following DVDs are ones that I have been doing lately and have enjoyed for different reasons:

Jillian Michaels: The Biggest Winner - Shape Up Backside:  AKA "The Orange One" in the Set
* Burns a lot of calories so I can say yes to a cookie.

Jillian Michaels: The Biggest Winner - Shape Up Frontside:  AKA "The Red One" in the Set
* Again, burns a lot of calories and both of these dvds will help me create more muscle...I need it!

The Tracy Anderson Method Dance Cardio
* Intense cardio that challenges me enough and stays interesting and humorous.

Crunch Fat Burning Pilates (Featuring None Other Than Little Miss Poised- Ellen Barrett)
* When I get done with this, I feel great!  Better posture and I feel extremely ballerina like...not enough to try out for the Nutcracker, but you get my point.  I feel taller, leaner, less clumsy...even if it is only for a day, it's worth it.

Walk Away the Pounds with Lesle Sansone - 1 Mile and 2 Mile
*  I use these when I want a little more cardio that is easy-going, or for days when I don't want to exercise.  There's no excuse to not do one of these workouts.

Prevention Dance It Off! Express Workout with Jennifer Galardi
* Different dance sections...It's fun, gets me sweating, and despite some of the cheesy espressions and enthusiasm, I like it.  I have future plans inspired by this workout DVD that you'll see soon...heeheehee...

The Tracy Anderson Method Mat Workout
* This one is EXTREMELY CHALLENGING to me, but I have future plans of incorporating it more often once my body is a bit more conditioned.


So there you have it.  I am kind of a workout DVD junkie because I prefer tripping over my feet in the privacy of my own home and can get as cheesetastic with the moves as humanly possible.  Have you done any of these workouts too?  Do you have any suggestions or ones that you really love?  I would love to know!  Thanks for reading, and have a fantastic weekend!

Speedo Man and Outsiders/Insiders

Last night I was inspired by a man in speedos.  His name is Jerry Davis and a local news station in Portland showed this scantily clad man jogging between the piles of snow on the streets of Chehalis, Washington.  This is the genius that inspired me - he said that if he's not improving himself, he's working on dying and he's too young for that.  He is almost seventy years old and there he is, jogging much further and faster than I could dream.

People in the town have not always been very supportive of Jerry, but that has changed over time.  Some were disgusted by his presence, while others were accepting from the start.  A quick youtube search about this man will reveal what I'm talking about.  We can be so judgemental about each other until we take the time to get to know each other.

Which brings me to something that has been on my mind.  I noticed a large amount of complaints on fb about newbies populating the gyms to the tone of "Damn them with their resolutions!  They're taking up my space and time!" and scowling remarks as the resolutionists walk, instead of run(HOW DARE THEM!), on the tredmills.  This evidently has the same effect on the regular gym goers annually as they eagerly wait for the resolutions to fail after a few weeks.  I know because I was one of the regulars one year.

I had joined the gym in November and had been going regularly enough by New Year's that I considered myself to be one of them...kind-of.  I was somewhat between the two groups.  I simply began my resolution a couple of months ahead of New Year's crowd, so I was somewhat of a resolutionist-in-disguise as the hardcore regulars accepted me into their group.  Well, should I really say accepted?  It was more like the trainers would call me by first name and acknowledge my presence, I recognized the faces of the men who loudly grunted in the far corner with the free weights, and I was acquaintances with the guy who looked like Nino from the movie Amelie and an old man named Charlie.  None the less, it was significantly different from my previous gym going experiences (I did an ethnography about joining and going to the gym as my thesis for an Anthropology class a couple of years before this and had an extremely different result).  Anyway, I felt this time around that I was entitled by New Years.  Entitled to scowl at densely populated gym as I went inside.  Entitled to getting my time on the tredmill without such a long wait.  Entitled to see these new people as a passing fad.  Entitled to see them as outsiders and not belonging.

It felt good to feel this way.  I felt better than them.  It was ugly, hateful, childish, and false, but it felt good to my weak confidence.  It declared that I was one of the group, an insider at a gym!  WOW!  What an amusing thing this was!  Yet, I had to shun these feelings of entitlement out, because I knew what a lie it was.  I knew that I was one of them and they were me...I had only got lucky for the time of year in which I had joined.  It was as simple as that.

True to fashion, guess what happened?  I came down with a horrible cold mid-January and stopped going.  The end.  I followed my old pattern right along with the some of the resoltionists, and confirmed to the regulars that I was laboring all that time in a disguise.

So anyway, the whole point of this long post is to bring up the myth and reality of Outsider/Insider mentality.  It is a real division if we believe it is.  It is a cohesive social device in a group.  One of the ways in which we establish this social glue is to exclude others.  It is an ugly device in human nature, but it's there.  The bottom line is that this is all false thinking.  We know it is.  We know there are no outsiders and there are no insiders if we use higher thinking.  Jerry Davis is a spandexed one of us.  The resolutionists are only the regulars in an earlier form.  We need to have patience and handle each other carefully.  They are us and we are them...yeah, the ending of V for Vendetta thing.

After all, if we're not supporting each other in improving, we are supporting each other in dying, and we're all too young for that.

New Pal for You!

Maybe up until this point it has all been a rehearsal.  With the impending New Year's holiday, my motivation is getting a boost, and why not grab onto that annual hope wagon?

Since this blog began, I have:
*practiced eating well and mindfully on and off.
*rehearsed my sweet moves of exercise (maybe not so sweet...) on and off.
*established goals on and off.

And now it is all coming together because of my friends.  E, J, and Samm introduced me to My Fitness Pal online:  www.myfitnesspal.com

It is free and actually makes logging exercise and food fun.  "What?!  Shut yo' face, Krystal!"  And I'm here to say that yes, I think it is fun.  Either I am extremely lame, or it actually does make it more fun, or maybe perhaps it is a combination of the two...

None the less, I love it so far.  It's been a lot of fun and seeing my friends on there motivates me.  Logging in the calories and seeing that I can burn some of them through exercise motivates me to get off my chair and EXERCISE!  I have no idea why, but it just makes the mysteries of weight loss seem more tangible and under my own control.  For that reason, I'm going to stick with the site (I took a few days off due to holiday cookie bliss, and now I'm in it for the long run!)  I invite you to join too if you're interested in getting healthier/losing a few pounds, and would be honored to stay connected with any of you on there.  (krystallbooth at yahoo.com if you want to send a friend request through the site)

Sorry if this sounds like some sort of craptastic infomercial stuff, but I felt that I had a responsibility to uphold in sharing this site of awesomeness! lol  Cheers to New Year's and all of your new goals whatever they may be!

Dieting With Jesus

Are you ready for the annual cycle of Christmas celebrating through indulgence and New Year's guilt and repentance?  Have no fear, children, I have just the thing to get us through.

 Advertisement Found: 
"Dieting With Jesus Magnets!

Dieting With Jesus… because that ass needs a miracle! The Lord is our shepherd and he's thinning out the flock.
*Your body is a temple. Fill it with salad.
*Work those buns anywhere.
*Fat jeans or skinny jeans? You decide.
*Omega-3 fatty acids are a blessing for that tummy.

Magnets measure approximately 2 inches wide x 2 inches tall."

Originally I found this image on Vic the Vicar's blog (http://www.victhevicar.blogspot.com).  Vic's entry for these magnets is hilarious!  I highly recommend the read (posted on December 4)!
Then I found the advertisement for these blessed little things on perpetualkid.com.  Imagine the joy upon the face of a child when opening these up on Christmas morn! ...or hopefully someone in the family will like them...

That's a sweet headband, Jesus!  I think I will go workout!  Thanks again, my Man/Spirit!

P90X in P.I.N.K.?

Did you happen to catch Dr. Phil today?  He featured a new diet and exercise program called the "P.I.N.K Method" for the full hour.

It seems that the whole thing can be summed up as P90X for women...because women all like the color pink, especially on sets that look like back alleys or the set of a porn shot in an industrial park.  The barbie pink bubble letters in a street art style make me feel right at home.

So their whole marketing gimmick is a copy of another one...but the color pink adds that touch of femininity that makes women feel like, "Heck yeah - I'll be wearing bedazzled rhinestone pink g-strings that show over my skinny jeans in no time!"

Okay, so maybe I'm being harsh.  If it helps people feel confident and get healthy, what's the harm?

I have done a little research about it - here's what P.I.N.K. stands for:
P - Power
I - Intensity
N - Nutrition
K - Kardio?...Cardio.

I really hate that when people do that with Cs and Ks...but whatever...if I start complaining about that, I'll be that much closer to turning into Andy Rooney.  I better choose my battles wisely.  Afterall, maybe they were just simply trying to make people feel more comfortable.  Since they are all fit, thin, and the type of women other women are 'supposed to hate', they have to show some flaws in order to make others feel comfortable.  What better way than bad spelling showing a sign of poor intellect?  Genius, laddys, simply genis!

Here's a clip from YouTube about the P.I.N.K. Method:

The kit is $67.99 if you pay in one payment (saving 15%), or two payments of $39.99.

The biggest red flag that came up during the Dr. Phil Show was that the creator, Cynthia Pasquella, made the claim that it will get rid of cellulite completely.  She said it did for her.  Don't you dare tease me, Cynthia.  There is no cure for cellulite - you can minimize the appearance of it, but to say that it gets rid of it completely is a red flag statement.

So, maybe this will be a big hit, or maybe it will be a quick-to-go fad in the market of weight loss products and systems.  There's going to be people who have great success with it, and there are going to be people who do not.  Anything that helps one get exercising is a good thing, I'm not going to rain on anyone's parade if they try this out.  If it works, it works, and that's great!

However, I'm never going to love the color pink being shoved down my throat due to gender norms, and I probably will never feel comfortable in an environment that reminds me of a cheap porn set.

Barbara Is A Goal-Making Guru!

Somehow, some way, I have not completely ruined the progress.  I have gained 1.6 pounds, and I am now at 167.6.  Not as bad as what I thought it could be...(I was imagining 20).

As you can tell, a lifetime spent of going mostly up on the scale and rarely ever down has messed with my head.  I am out of tune with my own body.  If you told me that I weighed 50 pounds more, I would believe you.  I am out of touch with weight and what I feel like...especially since I've been ignoring exercise and eating mindfully for about a month now.

I don't really know what my weight goal even should be.  I have "wobbly bits" that I would like to get rid of, and the cellulite fairy definitely has blessed me with all sorts of fun celestial designs.  I feel as though I will know my goal when I reach it, which I'm thinking will be around 150.  I will not be defeated by a number though - in the grand scheme of living, who cares?  As long as I feel good, energetic, healthy, happy, balanced, I wouldn't care if the scale told me 350.

 Somehow, someday, somewhere we shall all feel amazing and healthy in our own skins.  There's a place for us - we'll be in tune with our health and bodies.  We all need hope for whatever we are needing or wanting from life.  Oh, dear friends, this is to you! hahahaha!  Enjoy the laugh and/or singing this loudly at your computer screens!

As Barbara sings, perhaps I will answer those questions...

Somehow:  Exercising 5 days a week however and whenever I want (including Dance Central!woohoo) and feel more connected.

Someday:  I shall set a bit of a goal right now - lose ten pounds by January 12th (birthday present to myself) in hopes of feeling more energetic, healthy, connected and confident.

Somewhere:  I shall climb the overlooking hills over Portland and throw my arms up in Rocky style celebration.

How would you answer those questions for your goals, whatever they may be?  You may have been knocked down before too, but forget about that nasty self-talk that many of us are so good at.  Let's do this!  Who knew Barbara was such a goal-making guru?

We're all ok.

Since quitting smoking, almost 5 months ago, my clothes have taken on minds of their own.  My sweaters have become somewhat deceiving, my button-downs somewhat estranged, and my jeans - my jeans have become downright bitches.

Since I quit smoking, my clothes have all shrunk.

I don't know how it happened.  One day, I was happily puffing on a cancer stick, oblivious to the repercussions of abruptly throwing in the towel and the next I was 15 pounds heavier.

This photo

is a bit of a celebratory photo.  I don't care how much I've lost since starting this blog.

In fact, I've gained about 15 pounds.  Fat isn't funny, but neither is constant stressing about weight.

15 pounds.  That's a lot.  But when I start to think about the weight of the world - it's really nothing.

15 pounds.  It's life and death for a supermodel.  Thankfully, I've never been a supermodel.

15 pounds.  How many botox injections is 15 pounds?  I've never had one.

15 pounds.  It's worth a lot more in the United Kingdom than it is in the United States right now.

15 pounds.  It's insignificant.  Especially if I choose to focus on the rest of me.

We don't do that enough.  We focus on the small percentage of ourselves that didn't live up to the expectation we place on ourselves when we're excited about change and wonder where we went wrong.  Perhaps we go wrong when we expect ourselves to be perfect.

We're human, and while I'm not making excuses for my gaining weight after quitting smoking - I am acknowledging that I am just that - human.

And I'm happy to be me.

Spandex for $145.00! How Tracy Has Lost Her Mind in a Big 80s Way

I heard that Tracy Anderson was going to have a online chat session today on a Metamorphosis forum to answer questions from the masses about the program.  Out of curiousity, I went to the Metamorphosis website and began looking for the forum.  As always, I got sidetracked with other fancy links and saw that she was selling a few items of apparrel.  This is my finding.

$145.00

REALLY?  Perhaps she is a bit out of touch with economics.  Perhaps they are made of mysterious fibers that remove cellulite?  No...they are made of polymaid and spandex.  Also, aren't they a bit Big 80s in design?...I think I remember WWF wrestlers like Macho Man or The Hulk wearing similarly patterned pants, but what do I know about fashion?  Then I found this.

$25.99

80s Heavy Metal Rocker Halloween Costume

Includes:  Not only the pants, but also 2 scarves and a necktie

Proof positive that I haven't lost my mind...they are Big 80s and overpriced.  Just sayin'.  Not to mention that the Halloween hot pants cover the entirety of both legs instead of only upper legs, hence using more fabric.  It's all about value, people...

Though I'm willing to bet that at Kmart stores around the country there are random pairs of pants similar to this that have been in circulation on the clearance racks since the 80s that no one wants to buy.  They may be the running store joke and are priced for $.80.  The cashiers are waiting for a person to bring them up to the counter so they may all cheer out loudly and laugh wildly as the lucky buyer exits the building.

Gweneth Paltrow was recently criticized for being out of touch with the economic conditions of others as she would make overpriced suggestions for purchases and treatments on her Goop site.  Since Tracy Anderson is her trainer, I'm willing to bet Tracy acquired advice from GP about how to price her pants AND that GP owns a pair.

French Women Don't Get Fat: Revisiting Mireille Guiliano's Book

Two years ago I read this book and loved it.  I enjoyed reading it and the ideas and attitudes it represented towards eating.  I recently picked it back up during a nice bubble bath and ended up wanted to drown my copy of it and then light it on fire.

Do you know those women that are really good at insulting you as you sip coffee together or saying things that make them seem so much better than you, but you don't realize it until the conversation is over and you're driving home getting furious as you replay the conversation in your mind?  Older women are very good at this if they acquire the skill.  European women are EXTREMELY good at this at an earlier age  - or at least that has been my experience.  Their fancy accents must throw me off and I think that they say rude things such as "You're legs are very round" or "You're buttocks is big" due to their lack of english speaking experience.  Later, I realize that I shouldn't have given them the benefit of the doubt as they use words such as "impeccable", "vivacious", and "conceptual"...clearly showing mastery of english.  Those bitches...they're much smarter than me.

But anyway, Mireille Guiliano is one of those women.

Upon our little revisit, I opened her book and became furious and snarky.  I couldn't help it - I had to grab a pen and start writing in the margins.  I was translating her old-lady-insult-language into what she is actually saying for all of us simpleton American women...and now may I present to you the translations for your benefit...

fat isn't funny's translation of French Women Don't Get Fat

...or at least parts of it

Today we shall cover Chapter 8: Liquid Assets.  Mireille writes about the importance of water and how Americans do not get enough, but French people do.  Please read with an aristocratic accent in your head, whatever that sounds like to you.  For me it is always a nasally British accent with my nose in the air and half-closed eyes...I wish I knew of others, but it's my go-to accent for pretending to be an aristocratic, smug person that is good at being condescending.

pg. 156:  About her coworkers:  "But rarely do I see any of them at the water cooler, the proverbial American gathering point for goofing off." 

FIF Translation:  The Water Cooler Discussions do not happen since you all do not drink enough water.  That saying is a lie, therefore you are all liars.


"The contrast with our Paris headquarters couldn't be more stark.  Each day a one-liter bottle of water is distributed to each office and cubicle, and if that's not enough (and it isn't!), there's a room always filled with them, where anyone can go to get more.  When we have meetings, bottles are set up all over the conference room."

FIF Translation:  Each day a water fairy drops little bottles of love in our PARIS office.  It's just one big effing water Utopia.


pg. 157 On growing up in France:  "Everyone starts the day with a glass of water.  At every meal, there is always a big bottle of mineral water on the table.  People help themselves throughout the day - and  it isn't kept in the fridge."

FIF Translation:  It is just one big water orgy of health here, especially compared to your drought of health and culture.  Water in the refrigerator? Pew-pew, silly Americans.


pg. 158  On the taste of water:  "In case you were wondering, American mineral waters are considered bland.  Could this hint at why almost two-thirds of the population is chronically dehydrated?  Perhaps, but it surely must explain in part why we import so much water not only from France and Italy, but from dozens of other countries.  It amuses me in American restaurants to be routinely offered water from Fiji - an 'artesian' variety."

FIF Translation:  We French have sophisticated palates, and considering Fiji water as "artesian"?  Hysterical!  I would also quote the Water Boy movie here by saying, " Your water sucks, it really really sucks!", but I lack all humor unless it involves natural yogurt that I culture myself...the shapes of the raisins I like to put in mine can be very silly looking sometimes...I sometimes can see little faces in them.  I can catch details such as this because my brain is hydrated...unlike yours.


pg. 160  On when coffee is served:  "In France, coffee is usually reserved for breakfast and the end of a meal.  We don't drink it all day long as some Americans do; that's an awful habit."

FIF Translation:  You are uncivilized savage beasts.


On tea salons in France:  "While I do notice more tea salons (black tea), I fear their job is mainly to lure tourists looking for another place to eat pastry!" <insert smug laugh>

FIF Translation:  We French business owners outsmart the fat and foolish swarms of foreigners everytime.


pg. 161 More on growing up in France:  "In my home, we were all addicted to herbal teas."

FIF Translation:  As opposed to American children fancying spoons of marshmallow cream.  I believe that herbal teas would be the equivalent to no flavor added rice cakes to American children.  May I reiterate, we French have sophisticated palates.


Continuing her spiel on tea and being a child:  "Sometimes we'd concoct our own aromatic blends and bundle them into sachets, alongside which the bleached supermarket teabags of today seem pathetically sterile and inert."

FIF Translation:  You can try to duplicate my rich experiences, but you will fail unless your teabag is made of 100% finely laced antique silk that has aged through heavy use for at least 75 years.



Well, I guess that pretty much covers Chapter 8: Liquid Assets.  There are a lot of good points made on water's behalf, but I just wasn't feelin' it when I opened it up again.  Perhaps when I read it again I was in an ill-mood due to dehydration.

Thinking Out Loud Session: An Exercise in Priorities and Meaning

-2.8 pounds, down to 166.0...but who cares?

This last week has been a bit of a wake up call.  We lost a friend this week.  Funny how death makes everything else in life look so pointless and trivial.  Weight loss?  Who cares.  Career problems?  Who cares.  Remembering the loved one, honoring them the best we know how, and dealing with the loss by making every moment count with the people around us is suddenly the priority.

It is a reminder of priorities.  Making every moment count with the people around us should ALWAYS be a priority.  If it isn't, we need to make some adjustments.  If we are failing to fully live, we need to make some adjustments.  These adjustments can be made immediately...they do not have to wait until Monday, or the first of the next month.

And then comes the analysis of what it means to live fully, and make every moment count.  What does this mean to you?  To fully live...

1. Cherish people around you, even ones you don't necessarily get along with.  We are in this together.  Try to connect.  Be able to go to sleep each night with the ease of knowing that you loved your loved ones and were even nice to the A-holes in your life...afterall, you may be the jerkface in the his/her life, and perhaps you can break the cycle with each small connection - even if it's just a smile and a "hello".  Maybe it will eventually stack up and you will no longer be mutual A-holes.  It's worth a shot.

2.  Follow your passion.  Do not rob the world of what you have to offer.  Do not let things hold you back.  Keep moving.  Keep going forward even when the odds are not in your favor.  Who says we have to be perfect at what we love to do?  Play guitar, write, draw, paint, plan, knit, craft, clean, exercise, play with Tonka trucks, go to car shows, garden, play games, do puzzles, laugh, tell jokes, sing, whistle, build things, talk to your pets!  Passions do not need to be a serious endeavor - they are what you ultimately enjoy and sets your soul free.  Wherever your passion lies, go there.  Do it, and by all means, have fun.  Chances are it will make you happier and this happiness will be paid forward to someone else without any effort.  It may make someone else's day with what you have done, or the simple improvement of your mood may make someone else's day improve.

There are more, but I want to get to the point of this - after we analyze what it means to live fully according to our own personalities and drives, the "trivial" things creep in and don't seem so trivial anymore.

After all, why are Samm and I doing this blog?  Why are we wanting to lose weight and improve our health?  Because it is supportive to what it means to us to live fully.  We want the chance to be around to enjoy our loved ones and each other longer if that is a possibility.  We want to pursue our passions and see them through as much as we can while we are here.  Suddenly the weight loss thing isn't as trivial as what it first appears.  It is not pointless.  It would mean we wouldn't have health working against us, but for us in order to pursue life. 

All grieving is not created equal.  We experience it's depths differently, and the meaning of the loss is different according to our interpretations and relations.  I'm not saying that after this post I'm going to be all "YeeHaw for Weight Loss" and immediately renewed.  It's not about that.  It's just about finding meaning to our everyday pursuits and re-evaluating priorities.  This is my scramble for meaning, and I hope that by sharing this it somehow helps those who are hurting more than I can imagine for their loss of a loved one.  Love to all.

"You Fat Keep You Warm": Consuela In The Flesh!

It has been awhile since I have seen Tracy Anderson's Dance Cardio or Mat Workout Routines.  I'll be honest.  I do miss her and the routines...even though the music was getting to where Matthew even knew the words and it was driving us both crazy!  I was beginning to create a music compilation to play while I had the DVD on mute that featured Gnarls Barkley, The Cure, and Radiohead when suddenly...

I BECAME CONSUELA.

No, I didn't suddenly get an amazing accent and say, "I noooo" or "I need more Lemon Pledge".  I was hired as a Custodian, and so I get to wear fancy yellow gloves just like my favorite character from Family Guy.  Lucky, right? :)...okay, so no, it's not paying my bills through my artwork, and it's not teaching either, but we do what we do to get by.  Besides that, I have an awesome coworker and amazing Supervisors.  In that regard, I did get extremely lucky!

Since I have become a kindred spirit of Consuela, I have not had the energy to even think about doing a Tracy Anderson routine.  Custodian work is no joke!  It is not very much different than an eight hour workout.  I spend the time with a raised heart rate by walking, bending, lifting, carrying, pushing, pulling, and above all else, SWEATING! 

I lost weight due to this job.  If anyone is serious about weight loss, I would suggest a manual labor line of work if they do not want to workout on their own time. It has taken a couple of weeks for my body to get used to the job.  In the beginning, I couldn't hardly walk the next day until it was time to go back in.  Now, I am only stiff for a couple of hours in the morning, and then I'm alright.  As the week progresses, my muscles get more tired and the weekends are great for recuperating.  I'm hoping with time the tired stiffness will continue to lessen. 

This past Sunday when I weighed myself, I weighed the same as I did the previous week.  I'm not worried.  I know that in the next couple of weigh-ins I will lose more, and this is just how my body functions.  If I don't lose more weight, I will know that it is time to add Tracy Anderson back into the mix, and my body will be prepared for it...though I'm hoping that I don't have to go to such an extreme.  

As for Consuela, here are some of her funniest moments courtesy of YouTube (uploaded by ProductionsPerez):

http://youtu.be/QZP7or7hMS0

Enjoy!

Dear Susan Anton, You Awkward Diva, You!

Oh, Susan Anton and the Slimatics videos of my youth.  Somehow we had a couple of these Slimatics videos in our house when I was growing up, and I believe that this is how I got hooked on Dance Cardio workouts.  I had a love/hate relationship with them.  I loved them and hated them for their outrageously cheesy saxophone music, obnoxiously shiney apparrel, and Susan Anton's wannabe-Mick Jagger moves.  Her moves gave comedic relief, and I couldn't help but giggle a bit during the workout. 

I hated the cool-downs though.  She always looked at the camera and adjusted her hair as if she was the sexiest thing since...sliced bread?  It was awkward and uncomfortable.

Anyway, she was a nerd for sure, which was comforting to a chubby ten year old.  I loved when she made mistakes.  That was the best part of the whole thing.  It was hilarious.  I coveted those parts of the workout.  "Silly fool.  Everybody knows that the grapevine move is next."

Perhaps we should bring it back so exercisers will not feel inadequate next to the fitness goddesses in videos today.  The shiney, annoying spandex.  The sweatbands.  The awful saxophones.  The awkward sequences.  If only Samm and I lived closer.

If you asked me at the time if I worked out to those videos, I would have denied it with embarrassment.  I knew it wasn't a "cool".  But you ask me this now, and I will stand up and cheer!  Susan Anton's Slimatics videos were the bees knees of humourous workouts!  Hellz to the yes!  

Drum roll please...


Hold onto your hats!


I'm down to 168.8!!  That's -4.0 impossible pounds! (5.8 since Aug 14th)

No, I will be one of those people who tell you "this week was better because I did everything right.  I kept track of every calorie!", because that would be a lie.  This week was similar to the ones before.  I cannot explain to you why all of a sudden a body wants to function properly.  It puts up quite a fight sometimes when we are doing all of the right things and still do not see it reflected in emperical progress.  Our bodies can be so stubbornly resistant to change.

Fitness gurus get my [insert "feathers ruffled", or "panties in a bunch", or basically any polite way of saying "pissed off" or "-ing annoyed"] when they make losing weight seem so simple by saying, "It's all about burning more calories than you take in.  It's a numbers game."  Really?  Is it?  Because my body does not go by that simple formula.  It holds on.  It resists.  It fights to keep every calorie packed onto it for an energy savings account anywhere it can fit.  Sometimes it feels like a two-year old with a death grip on a sucker.  You know you're stronger than the two-year old, but it takes a long time to finally pull the chubby, sticky, clenched fingers off the little stick. 

Not that I'm running around stealing suckers from two-year olds world round, but you can imagine...any red flavor especially.

Do I feel different? Yes, a little.  I notice in the mornings that I physically feel a bit lighter...not as much gravity weighing me down I guess?  I've noticed that my stomach has lost some of it's padding.  I don't feel as fatigued during the day as I did before I started exercising more (about 6 weeks ago).  I don't have to rely on afternoon coffee for energy, though I enjoy it when I can.  I have slept a lot better and haven't had any insomniac spells since I started this, which truly is saying something.  There's less time of laying my head on the pillow before I am asleep, and I haven't had to do my countdown trick to get to sleep either....more on that later. 

Bring on Week Six!

Fat Media

This is an advertisement I came across in an artist's blog.  It's a print advertisement from Anabell to fight Bulimia.  They should have included yellow teeth and thin-falling-out hair...it must be a wig, because I don't think a Bulimic of that extreme could grow such luxurious hair.  I think what's more frightening than the doll itself would be the accessories that would come with it.  Accessories are always important when chosing a Barbie.  Just sayin'.

Another interesting thing I came across is a television show called "Supersize vs. Superskinny".  It's on OWN on Monday nights and it's such a crazy show!  One extremely thin person and an overweight person trade their typical diets for a week to come to the realization of how their nutrition is ridiculous.  I would think that this would be dangerous, and it may be, but it is a powerful teacher to the participants.  If you have yet to see this, check it out!  It also has little excerpts of fun little exposes on different topics throughout the show that are extremely interesting. 

Another television show is about to begin too - my true addiction - "The Biggest Loser".  It is once again without Jillian Michaels, which completely sucks, but I will watch it anyway.  Love me some Bob Harper, and it's fabulous when he gets mad enough to drop profanities.  There's something fascinating about that.  Anyway, I look forward to being motivated by that show...I vow to no longer eat ice cream or pizza while watching it this season.  What is with that anyway?  I know a ton of people that eat "naughty" things while watching that show.  Are we just rebels?  We are rebels armed with cake as we watch other people in excruciating workouts sweating until they look as if they went swimming with their clothes on.

I wonder what would happen if we actually did this at a gym as we watched people workout.  It would be a freakin' anarchy!  I would love to see a flashmob do THIS!  Oprah's Michigan Avenue dance mob would have nothing on the cake, pizza, and icecream eaters at a 24 Hour Fitness!

Dramatic Results on a Diagonal!

This is my progress so far that brings total weight lost to 1.8 pounds.  Not bad for FOUR WEEKS of SWEATY HELL.  (*Please note that the math is incorrect on the chart - I left it as a notification of my being mathematically optimistic...some may call it 'challenged'.)

Anyway, after seeing my weak results after a month of hardwork, I decided that perhaps photography propaganda could help.

Note that the chart is the same, but the diagonal angle makes my 1.6 pounds super dramatic.  Fantastic!
(This is not unlike the Before photos of non-smiling slouching people to the After photos of smiling sucking in populations.)

I have been moving around, sweating, eating well, and being diligent.  I haven't been counting my points on paper, though I know I have been in my goal range.  This is going to be a LOOOOONG journey, but as the saying goes "Blah blah,blah ..blah."

I pledge the following for my week:

*  WRITE DOWN my weight watchers points, for crying out loud.
*  Make sure I break a sweat for 5 of the 7 days.
*  Drink my water!!!!  Take multivitamin and Omegas.


....I think I have the metabolism of a 150 year old woman, or perhaps my body is deeply emotionally attached to fat cells.  They picnic together and enjoy long walks on the beach...

C'mon, Metabolism-  You better get going in Week Five!!!

Going Vegetarian: A Red Button Issue

Faced with a wonderful portabello burger, one has to ask the question, "Why am I not a vegetarian?"  Matthew and I went over to our friends' place the other night and they cooked up some big beautiful portabello mushroom caps that had been marinated.  We put them between toasted buns and it was amazing.  I didn't miss the beef at all - they were SO GOOD, that I can not tell you enough.  We also had vegetable skewers of summer squash, onion, green and red peppers - who can resist that?!

They are awesome vegetarians.  I say "awesome" not only because they are awesome people, but also because they do not frown upon our lack of being vegetarians.  You know the type who are horrible vegetarians - the ones who "moo" as you take a bite of your burger, or tell you all sorts of tales of horrendous cruelty as you cook up a chicken breast.  They are not these people.  Instead they are beyond accommodating and considerate.  They realize that the decision they made with their nutrition is their decision alone....they are "pro-choice nutritionists"!  What's not to love about that?!

Growing up, I was never one of those children who frowned at their brussel sprouts.  Instead, the vegetables were my favorite part and I always had seconds.  I'm still that same way - I actually prefer the vegetable portions over meat.  For one thing, meat always leaves this horrible taste in my mouth, and I have to immediately eat chew gum or something sweet to battle that meat mouth.  Yuk.

I have also grown oversensitive to hunting - being raised in a Indiana family of hunters where it was common place to find a dead deer hanging inside a barn waiting to be filleted, my oversensitivity was not expected.  The last few times I saw a deer being loaded up in the back of a truck made tears roll from my eyes.  I can't handle it emotionally as an adult. 

On our move out to Oregon, Matt and I saw a lot of horrifying things from the highway that said a lot about meat production in this country.  Dirty, stinky, and beyond enormous facilities, along with semi-trailers filled with animals scrunched together with feathers flying all over the road.  It definitely scarred us, and we have changed some of our ways because of what we saw.

On a less emotional note, meat can be so expensive.  Many of our meals in this apartment are actually vegetarian without that goal in mind.  I believe that we really could go without meat for a long long time and not miss it.

So why am I not a vegetarian?  Because of the red button phenomenon.  The minute I declare, "I am a vegetarian" will be the day that I can think of nothing other than steak, burgers, chicken, and tuna noodle casserole.  The foods I could not have would be an obsession at all hours of the day, and I would probably find myself eating more meat than I do now.  It would be a full out rebellion against broccoli.  This is one of my flaws of character, and yes, I own up to it.

Sorry if I offended anyone with this post - that is not my intention at all.  I just wanted to share a personal debate that's been going on in my brain for the past few years.  I consider myself a pro-choice nutritionist as well, so no, I will not glare at you or be offended as you eat your deer jerky, I promise.

Love to all -