Fatty Abroad with Idiot Science

When I decided to buckle down again on Wednesday, I didn't weigh myself.  I have been staying a steady weight down to the tenth of a pound for the past month to my annoyance.  I dreaded seeing that number yet again...or perhaps a gain.  Although, what is weight after all?  It's only a gravitational pull on mass, right? 

I finally weighed myself yesterday and to my surprise I was already down two pounds from last week!  This puts me a week ahead in my goals, which is really great, and I don't have to see that same pesky number that has been annoying me, which is even better.  Then I started to really think about weight and if it really matters.  We shouldn't be upset or disappointed by the scale, because after all, look at these fatties.

A Rhino.  A severe fatty if I ever saw one because I'm sure that he has at least a ton on all of us, yet rhinos are adorable.  Perhaps they would not be as adorable when filled with rage and in person, but in photos, they are triumphantly sweet.  If I could make a daisy chain necklace for this one, I  believe that it would increase the gentle sweetness of this fattie (note the "ie").

A mountain.  Imagine the gravitational pull on this massively massive mass.  Fatty for sure.  Perhaps even the fattest fatty on our planet.  We are all waif-like by comparison, which is pretty fantastic.

Our beautiful moon, which has been extremely and dangerously distracting while I've been driving home over the past few nights due to it's absolute gorgeousness.  It's exaggeratingly rounded and catches it's own glow from the reflecting sun rays.  Fat. Fat. Fattest.  I wonder how much it actually weighs?  Then again, it is in space, the lucky devil, so it does have an advantage.  It must live in denial due to how it floats about out there.

These fish are definitely in denial...or are they?  After all, they live their whole lives in water, so really, weight is relative isn't it?  It really doesn't matter at all.  I wonder how much I weigh on the highest mountain, compared to sea level, and then in water.  It would be drastically different, and I bet by my underwater weight would make the Hollywood waifs jealous.  IN YOUR FACE! (This aggression is simply due to all of us having to look at these airbrushed already-thin-enough celebrities.)

Weight is what keeps us from becoming airborne and using tethered ropes to get around.  Weight is a good and fantastic thing, especially for those of us petrified of heights.  An ounce of broccoli is one ounce away from being space junk, and just think! - When we were babies, we were only 7 ounces away from floating out our car seats!  There would be terrified mothers everywhere.  I guess weight is relative and as long as the gravitational pull remains the same where we weigh ourselves, it can be used as only one simple measure of our health.  It is not the primary factor.

Then I saw the standing brooms all over facebook.  Perhaps this is why I am down by two pounds? lol  Go figure.  :)

**I am now fantasizing about a show produced by Ricky Gervais in which he sends me to places to weigh myself...Carl can come with me too so that I may laugh in how my cheerfulness can actually make a person more miserable.  ;)

Being Trained By Jillian Michaels

Just when I thought that I had all I needed, I watched a Jillian Michaels Body Revolution infomercial.

This is what I get for waking up before the Today Show and having some time on my hands.  I'm not buying this, but it is tempting.  It looks amazing due to the exercises and Jillian's power to motivate me.  When I do her other DVDs (Cardio Kickboxing, Frontside, Backside), she has this strange power over me to do my absolute best no matter my discomfort.  I can't let her down...even if I realize that she is a flat character on a television screen that cannot actually see me.

Or can she?  I think one of the things that Jillian Michaels has over other fitness gurus is the fact that we have seen her in action with all several personality types and physical abilities of people on The Biggest Loser.  We sometimes share similar personal narratives with some of the contestants on the show, and due to that connection, we feel as though a part of us is being represented and seen.  Oh, the glories of reality TV - love it or hate it, it brings out commonalities and differences between all of us.

The bottom line is that we know that her method delivers results and she has extremely high expectations no matter who she trains.

Maybe at some point I will buy this system - it is kind of pricey, but not when one considers that it comes with 15 thirty-minute workouts and other side items, it's only about $8 for each workout video.
If you're interested, you can get more info and order it at www.jillianbodyrevolution.com.

If any of you have this already or try it out, I really would love to hear what you think of it!  Perhaps I am in a morning fog on this one...which could be why infomercials aire when they do.

Damn them.

Spring Rejuvenation

Spring is springing into the Pacific Northwest!  Matthew and I took a long walk yesterday after I got off work and buds were everywhere!  It's the beginning again -

This time of year is rejuvenating, and I'm going to seize that energy!  I revised my guidelines and here goes:

1.  Follow Weight Watcher's Point System. (I have been doing the calorie count thing for the past few months and it's somehow not really working...at all.)
2.  Drink 64 ounces of water daily. (I have not been doing this very well over the past month making it seem that retaining water is a new found hobby.)
3.  Eat all food before 8 pm.  (I do not mean eat all food found in house before 8.  I'm simply saying that I need to stop eating about 3 hours before bedtime.)
4.  Exercise 5 days per week.  So many activities! http://youtu.be/U8N7h2p1Bko
5.  Eat breakfast, and take multivitamin daily.
6.  RECORD EVERYTHING!  (myfitnesspal.com has been helpful and made me realize this important aspect)


This all starts today!  Yes, it's a Wednesday, not a Monday, and I'm proud of it!  For exercise today, I'll be doing Walk Away the Pounds and one of the Jillian Michaels DVDs to make an hour's worth of exercise.  (I still have not lost my sights on taking iceskating lessons - it will happen later this year, and I really look forward to it!  I'll keep you posted!)

Sorry for beginning this over and over again on this blog - this hasn't been easy to change my lifestyle.  I'm just refusing to lose hope of getting it together, darn it!  The mantra needs to change from "I hope" to "I will".  When you have changed your lifestyle or accomplished goals, what has helped you on your journey the most?

I stole this from the fb wall of Coach Hidi's Beachbody Fitness Group!  Hidi Graff has been a extremely great motivator and inspires me constantly with her posts - thank you, Hidi!

New Pal for You!

Maybe up until this point it has all been a rehearsal.  With the impending New Year's holiday, my motivation is getting a boost, and why not grab onto that annual hope wagon?

Since this blog began, I have:
*practiced eating well and mindfully on and off.
*rehearsed my sweet moves of exercise (maybe not so sweet...) on and off.
*established goals on and off.

And now it is all coming together because of my friends.  E, J, and Samm introduced me to My Fitness Pal online:  www.myfitnesspal.com

It is free and actually makes logging exercise and food fun.  "What?!  Shut yo' face, Krystal!"  And I'm here to say that yes, I think it is fun.  Either I am extremely lame, or it actually does make it more fun, or maybe perhaps it is a combination of the two...

None the less, I love it so far.  It's been a lot of fun and seeing my friends on there motivates me.  Logging in the calories and seeing that I can burn some of them through exercise motivates me to get off my chair and EXERCISE!  I have no idea why, but it just makes the mysteries of weight loss seem more tangible and under my own control.  For that reason, I'm going to stick with the site (I took a few days off due to holiday cookie bliss, and now I'm in it for the long run!)  I invite you to join too if you're interested in getting healthier/losing a few pounds, and would be honored to stay connected with any of you on there.  (krystallbooth at yahoo.com if you want to send a friend request through the site)

Sorry if this sounds like some sort of craptastic infomercial stuff, but I felt that I had a responsibility to uphold in sharing this site of awesomeness! lol  Cheers to New Year's and all of your new goals whatever they may be!

The Biggest Loser Finale!

Tonight is the finale!  The end of it all!  I don't know if you've been watching this season of "The Biggest Loser", but I know I'm not the only one of my friends who promptly reaches for ice cream or a candy bar on Tuesday nights to make the viewing that much more enjoyable.  Wrong?  Yes, but for crying out loud, during those certain challenges with mounds of doughnuts and all the talk about food isn't just tempting the contestants!

Last week, we found the final three contestants:  Ramon (won his spot on the finale through winning the marathon), John, and Antone.  I guess it is the battle of the boys this season, and I was sad to see Becky and Vinny not in the final three.  The two of them just seem like such big-hearted people, but of course it's only reality tv.  Do we really know these people?  No.  For all we know, Becky and Vinny could be evil-doers in their communities by nightly dumping over  Miss Mabel's trashcan, taking bats to mailboxes, egging the Reverend's house, and setting the town square on fire.  This behavior surely wouldn't warrant a prize of such grandeur.

Then again, the title of "The Biggest Loser" and the cash prize isn't exactly determined by good behavior.  (Oh, we love to hate and love the contestants of reality shows and label them as "good" or "bad"!  In fact, I still harbor animosity towards the ultimate villain, Omarosa, from The Apprentice and that was years ago!  Lame, but true.)

I don't want to damn any of the contestants, but I would like to post what Antone said last week.  He said, "I'm really sick of John to be honest with you."

I'm excited to see what happens!  Cheers to our journeys and finding inspiration (even if it comes with a side of ice cream every now and then).

Fiercely Fighting Flab!

Fierce, right?  Yeah, well this is my action pose response to the war on the flabby.  Tyra would be elated...somewhat smizing?  Maybe just a little?

Okay, so maybe I'm not exactly photogenically gifted, but you get the idea, don't you?  I have lost some weight - still around 10 pounds lost so far.  I have also been sick for the last two weeks and now am finally feeling better.  It's good to have some energy back, now it's about spending it wisely.

I'm getting back on track.  I was inspired today when one of my best friends called me and told me that she joined the Weight Watcher's online program earlier this week.  I'm excited for her and I know that I needed a little kick in my arse to get going again.  So I am.  (Thank you, girlfriend O' mine, you know who you are!)  PS - Samm is doing the WW online thing too now!

Beginning tomorrow I will be back to the Tracy Anderson cardio dance and mat workout.  HOORAY!  In all honesty, I have missed it tremendously.  I am no longer "Consuela" - I found a different job and now need that exercise to be found outside of my work.  I am back to planning for it, and so Tracy Anderson's workouts are the answer once again.  I'm looking forward to spinning around like the Tazmanian Devil and jumping nonstop as if I've had a case of Red Bull.  Oh yes.  I'm back on the fighting flabby bandwagon...with FIERCEness.

I'm going to follow Tracy's recommendations this time by doing both dvd's at least 5 times per week.  I feel that I have worked up to that now and my body can handle it.  SOOOooo, it will be not quite 2 hours of workout for 5 days a week.  It sounds like A LOT, but really 10 hours out of 168 hours in a week is a small sacrifice when it comes to putting more time on our life clocks.

"You Fat Keep You Warm": Consuela In The Flesh!

It has been awhile since I have seen Tracy Anderson's Dance Cardio or Mat Workout Routines.  I'll be honest.  I do miss her and the routines...even though the music was getting to where Matthew even knew the words and it was driving us both crazy!  I was beginning to create a music compilation to play while I had the DVD on mute that featured Gnarls Barkley, The Cure, and Radiohead when suddenly...

I BECAME CONSUELA.

No, I didn't suddenly get an amazing accent and say, "I noooo" or "I need more Lemon Pledge".  I was hired as a Custodian, and so I get to wear fancy yellow gloves just like my favorite character from Family Guy.  Lucky, right? :)...okay, so no, it's not paying my bills through my artwork, and it's not teaching either, but we do what we do to get by.  Besides that, I have an awesome coworker and amazing Supervisors.  In that regard, I did get extremely lucky!

Since I have become a kindred spirit of Consuela, I have not had the energy to even think about doing a Tracy Anderson routine.  Custodian work is no joke!  It is not very much different than an eight hour workout.  I spend the time with a raised heart rate by walking, bending, lifting, carrying, pushing, pulling, and above all else, SWEATING! 

I lost weight due to this job.  If anyone is serious about weight loss, I would suggest a manual labor line of work if they do not want to workout on their own time. It has taken a couple of weeks for my body to get used to the job.  In the beginning, I couldn't hardly walk the next day until it was time to go back in.  Now, I am only stiff for a couple of hours in the morning, and then I'm alright.  As the week progresses, my muscles get more tired and the weekends are great for recuperating.  I'm hoping with time the tired stiffness will continue to lessen. 

This past Sunday when I weighed myself, I weighed the same as I did the previous week.  I'm not worried.  I know that in the next couple of weigh-ins I will lose more, and this is just how my body functions.  If I don't lose more weight, I will know that it is time to add Tracy Anderson back into the mix, and my body will be prepared for it...though I'm hoping that I don't have to go to such an extreme.  

As for Consuela, here are some of her funniest moments courtesy of YouTube (uploaded by ProductionsPerez):

http://youtu.be/QZP7or7hMS0

Enjoy!

If You're Eating Right or Hate Gluttony, Do Not Read This

So my week has been filled with failure, new horizons, chicken chimichangas, and pizza.
It was a week of a ridiculous schedule made completely impossible by lack of sleep and then too much sleep...(like Seinfeld, I even out). 

I also ran out of my beloved Cinnamon Puffins that inspire great poetry. 

It was all downhill from there.  It's amazing what havoc occured due to interruptions in my routine.  It was made obvious this week that despite all of my drive to get healthy, I am out of control when I'm not following a schedule.  Not to mention that when I didn't have enough sleep, I knew that I would be reaching for fatty goodness.  In preparation, I walked down to the gas station to buy Donut Replacement Therepy (aka "anything remotely healthy found at a gas station").  I'm glad I picked Trail Mix because I was promptly inhaling it two hours later.  I did have a moment when I looked down at my cupped hand full of raisins, peanuts, cashews, and sunflower seeds and thought, "What the hell am I doing?"  I never thought I'd see the day when I binged on trail mix, but there you have it.

Of course, the week didn't get better eating wise.  I began a physically demanding job this week, and after a single day, my legs were completely crippled from my hips to my heels.  Being unemployed for a year and then just hopping right in with more energized enthusiasm than a body can handle will do that to someone.  I hobbled to the closest Mexican Restaurant to make up for the calories lost.

I refuse to weigh in tomorrow, not because I failed this past week, but because I don't want Samm to feel so bad after I show him that I lost 20 pounds in a single week by eating pizza and Mexican food.  That would be rude.  Don't you agree?  Friends don't do that to friends, especially when he's gone organic and stuff.  heeheehee...actually, I KNOW what I weigh because I feel it.  I don't need the numbers to let me know that I feel all flipflopped around and a mess.  It's obvious that this week I completely backtracked, and did not lose weight or get healthier (although the pizza did have pineapple on it - that counts as fruit/veg, right?).  I REFUSE TO SEE THE NUMBERS.  I WANT TO BE IN DENIAL...so I will be.  :)  On Monday, I can pretend that nothing happened, and I'll make sure I have my damn Puffins, and good sleep. 

Cheers to catching up with the damn wagon.

Oh Dear...Get Thee to a Juicery

Goals of this past week:
*  Exercise 5 days with 2 of those days doubled up to do both the Mat Workout and Dance Cardio by Tracy Anderson:  YUP - Check - Wasn't always the most motivated about it, but I did it!

*Weight Watchers Points on 6 days and the 7th day eat more (Wendie Plan):  I did them 5 of the days, but decided that I should eat more 2 of the days...my Mom sent Matthew Birthday Cookies and there was no way that I wasn't going to partake in baked goods from my fabulous Momalah.

*Water, Vitamins, Fish Oil Daily Intakes:  I completely slacked on water for a couple of the days...and the scale showed it -

The numbers say +1.4 pounds...which means I'm .2 pounds away from where this journey began! hahaha!  For crap sake.

There are plenty of things I did wrong this week - I ate some of the points I gained through exercising, and didn't drink enough water.  I also craved salty goodness...and well, ladies, this does have something to do with what we have to deal with on a monthly basis.  I'm feeling as bloated as Violet Beauregarde when she turned into a blueberry and they had to roll her to the juicery. 

When I think about "bloat", I think about "boat" and "float".  Everytime I feel bloated, I picture a group of people gathered on a shore as they put me out to sea.  They wave handkerchiefs, blow kisses, and call out luck for the voyage.  My swollen limb waves goodbye, as my head struggles to look at them from my ghastly swollen body.  I glide boyantly over the waves into the expansive horizon.  "Bye, bye friends!  I shall return from this journey in seven days!  Thank you for laying the fudge stripe cookies upon my belly - they will surely come in handy!"

Hopefully I will deflate soon - this will surely teach me for not drinking enough water and too much salt!        

My Little Red Wagon of Fat

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rawartists/5756311534/in/photostream/

This was it.  The link above contains the photo I saw today that solidified what I have been feeling for the past year.  I have been carrying too much of me about the town. 

I immediately called up my best friend, Samm (a.k.a. Schwann) and said, "I just realized that I'm fat, dear Shwann."  And of course we both started laughing.

I don't care for measuring up to anyone else's version of beauty.  They all have way too low of standards for my looks.  People tell me I'm very editorial and high fashion.

Anyway, it's more about feeling good and fit and ready to tackle the rest of my life.  I've struggled with weight throughout my life, and it gets pretty aggravating to have the same reoccuring problem through so many years.  It's as if I am the haunted kid in the movie Insidious and a red wagon of fat keeps circling my bed.  (Sorry, I simultaneously had a flashback of Oprah when she lost all of her weight and pulled out a bag of fat on stage in a wagon).  I've been through this so many times before that I know if I don't stop and get it together now, I will be an even bigger mess later. 

I'm in my early thirties and I know now is the time.  It is the time for both Samm and I to finally put this behind us.  We've been hiding behind our humor for too long.  We will now become those serious people who grunt in gyms too loudly, and never smile behind our sports goggles and biking helmets. 

Not really.  That would suck.  We just want to be fit before it's too late!  To one day feel physically capable of more than just laughing.  Love to all, and cheers to the attempt to change one's lifestyle!