Speedo Man and Outsiders/Insiders

Last night I was inspired by a man in speedos.  His name is Jerry Davis and a local news station in Portland showed this scantily clad man jogging between the piles of snow on the streets of Chehalis, Washington.  This is the genius that inspired me - he said that if he's not improving himself, he's working on dying and he's too young for that.  He is almost seventy years old and there he is, jogging much further and faster than I could dream.

People in the town have not always been very supportive of Jerry, but that has changed over time.  Some were disgusted by his presence, while others were accepting from the start.  A quick youtube search about this man will reveal what I'm talking about.  We can be so judgemental about each other until we take the time to get to know each other.

Which brings me to something that has been on my mind.  I noticed a large amount of complaints on fb about newbies populating the gyms to the tone of "Damn them with their resolutions!  They're taking up my space and time!" and scowling remarks as the resolutionists walk, instead of run(HOW DARE THEM!), on the tredmills.  This evidently has the same effect on the regular gym goers annually as they eagerly wait for the resolutions to fail after a few weeks.  I know because I was one of the regulars one year.

I had joined the gym in November and had been going regularly enough by New Year's that I considered myself to be one of them...kind-of.  I was somewhat between the two groups.  I simply began my resolution a couple of months ahead of New Year's crowd, so I was somewhat of a resolutionist-in-disguise as the hardcore regulars accepted me into their group.  Well, should I really say accepted?  It was more like the trainers would call me by first name and acknowledge my presence, I recognized the faces of the men who loudly grunted in the far corner with the free weights, and I was acquaintances with the guy who looked like Nino from the movie Amelie and an old man named Charlie.  None the less, it was significantly different from my previous gym going experiences (I did an ethnography about joining and going to the gym as my thesis for an Anthropology class a couple of years before this and had an extremely different result).  Anyway, I felt this time around that I was entitled by New Years.  Entitled to scowl at densely populated gym as I went inside.  Entitled to getting my time on the tredmill without such a long wait.  Entitled to see these new people as a passing fad.  Entitled to see them as outsiders and not belonging.

It felt good to feel this way.  I felt better than them.  It was ugly, hateful, childish, and false, but it felt good to my weak confidence.  It declared that I was one of the group, an insider at a gym!  WOW!  What an amusing thing this was!  Yet, I had to shun these feelings of entitlement out, because I knew what a lie it was.  I knew that I was one of them and they were me...I had only got lucky for the time of year in which I had joined.  It was as simple as that.

True to fashion, guess what happened?  I came down with a horrible cold mid-January and stopped going.  The end.  I followed my old pattern right along with the some of the resoltionists, and confirmed to the regulars that I was laboring all that time in a disguise.

So anyway, the whole point of this long post is to bring up the myth and reality of Outsider/Insider mentality.  It is a real division if we believe it is.  It is a cohesive social device in a group.  One of the ways in which we establish this social glue is to exclude others.  It is an ugly device in human nature, but it's there.  The bottom line is that this is all false thinking.  We know it is.  We know there are no outsiders and there are no insiders if we use higher thinking.  Jerry Davis is a spandexed one of us.  The resolutionists are only the regulars in an earlier form.  We need to have patience and handle each other carefully.  They are us and we are them...yeah, the ending of V for Vendetta thing.

After all, if we're not supporting each other in improving, we are supporting each other in dying, and we're all too young for that.

Thinking Out Loud Session: An Exercise in Priorities and Meaning

-2.8 pounds, down to 166.0...but who cares?

This last week has been a bit of a wake up call.  We lost a friend this week.  Funny how death makes everything else in life look so pointless and trivial.  Weight loss?  Who cares.  Career problems?  Who cares.  Remembering the loved one, honoring them the best we know how, and dealing with the loss by making every moment count with the people around us is suddenly the priority.

It is a reminder of priorities.  Making every moment count with the people around us should ALWAYS be a priority.  If it isn't, we need to make some adjustments.  If we are failing to fully live, we need to make some adjustments.  These adjustments can be made immediately...they do not have to wait until Monday, or the first of the next month.

And then comes the analysis of what it means to live fully, and make every moment count.  What does this mean to you?  To fully live...

1. Cherish people around you, even ones you don't necessarily get along with.  We are in this together.  Try to connect.  Be able to go to sleep each night with the ease of knowing that you loved your loved ones and were even nice to the A-holes in your life...afterall, you may be the jerkface in the his/her life, and perhaps you can break the cycle with each small connection - even if it's just a smile and a "hello".  Maybe it will eventually stack up and you will no longer be mutual A-holes.  It's worth a shot.

2.  Follow your passion.  Do not rob the world of what you have to offer.  Do not let things hold you back.  Keep moving.  Keep going forward even when the odds are not in your favor.  Who says we have to be perfect at what we love to do?  Play guitar, write, draw, paint, plan, knit, craft, clean, exercise, play with Tonka trucks, go to car shows, garden, play games, do puzzles, laugh, tell jokes, sing, whistle, build things, talk to your pets!  Passions do not need to be a serious endeavor - they are what you ultimately enjoy and sets your soul free.  Wherever your passion lies, go there.  Do it, and by all means, have fun.  Chances are it will make you happier and this happiness will be paid forward to someone else without any effort.  It may make someone else's day with what you have done, or the simple improvement of your mood may make someone else's day improve.

There are more, but I want to get to the point of this - after we analyze what it means to live fully according to our own personalities and drives, the "trivial" things creep in and don't seem so trivial anymore.

After all, why are Samm and I doing this blog?  Why are we wanting to lose weight and improve our health?  Because it is supportive to what it means to us to live fully.  We want the chance to be around to enjoy our loved ones and each other longer if that is a possibility.  We want to pursue our passions and see them through as much as we can while we are here.  Suddenly the weight loss thing isn't as trivial as what it first appears.  It is not pointless.  It would mean we wouldn't have health working against us, but for us in order to pursue life. 

All grieving is not created equal.  We experience it's depths differently, and the meaning of the loss is different according to our interpretations and relations.  I'm not saying that after this post I'm going to be all "YeeHaw for Weight Loss" and immediately renewed.  It's not about that.  It's just about finding meaning to our everyday pursuits and re-evaluating priorities.  This is my scramble for meaning, and I hope that by sharing this it somehow helps those who are hurting more than I can imagine for their loss of a loved one.  Love to all.

Drum roll please...


Hold onto your hats!


I'm down to 168.8!!  That's -4.0 impossible pounds! (5.8 since Aug 14th)

No, I will be one of those people who tell you "this week was better because I did everything right.  I kept track of every calorie!", because that would be a lie.  This week was similar to the ones before.  I cannot explain to you why all of a sudden a body wants to function properly.  It puts up quite a fight sometimes when we are doing all of the right things and still do not see it reflected in emperical progress.  Our bodies can be so stubbornly resistant to change.

Fitness gurus get my [insert "feathers ruffled", or "panties in a bunch", or basically any polite way of saying "pissed off" or "-ing annoyed"] when they make losing weight seem so simple by saying, "It's all about burning more calories than you take in.  It's a numbers game."  Really?  Is it?  Because my body does not go by that simple formula.  It holds on.  It resists.  It fights to keep every calorie packed onto it for an energy savings account anywhere it can fit.  Sometimes it feels like a two-year old with a death grip on a sucker.  You know you're stronger than the two-year old, but it takes a long time to finally pull the chubby, sticky, clenched fingers off the little stick. 

Not that I'm running around stealing suckers from two-year olds world round, but you can imagine...any red flavor especially.

Do I feel different? Yes, a little.  I notice in the mornings that I physically feel a bit lighter...not as much gravity weighing me down I guess?  I've noticed that my stomach has lost some of it's padding.  I don't feel as fatigued during the day as I did before I started exercising more (about 6 weeks ago).  I don't have to rely on afternoon coffee for energy, though I enjoy it when I can.  I have slept a lot better and haven't had any insomniac spells since I started this, which truly is saying something.  There's less time of laying my head on the pillow before I am asleep, and I haven't had to do my countdown trick to get to sleep either....more on that later. 

Bring on Week Six!

Dramatic Results on a Diagonal!

This is my progress so far that brings total weight lost to 1.8 pounds.  Not bad for FOUR WEEKS of SWEATY HELL.  (*Please note that the math is incorrect on the chart - I left it as a notification of my being mathematically optimistic...some may call it 'challenged'.)

Anyway, after seeing my weak results after a month of hardwork, I decided that perhaps photography propaganda could help.

Note that the chart is the same, but the diagonal angle makes my 1.6 pounds super dramatic.  Fantastic!
(This is not unlike the Before photos of non-smiling slouching people to the After photos of smiling sucking in populations.)

I have been moving around, sweating, eating well, and being diligent.  I haven't been counting my points on paper, though I know I have been in my goal range.  This is going to be a LOOOOONG journey, but as the saying goes "Blah blah,blah ..blah."

I pledge the following for my week:

*  WRITE DOWN my weight watchers points, for crying out loud.
*  Make sure I break a sweat for 5 of the 7 days.
*  Drink my water!!!!  Take multivitamin and Omegas.


....I think I have the metabolism of a 150 year old woman, or perhaps my body is deeply emotionally attached to fat cells.  They picnic together and enjoy long walks on the beach...

C'mon, Metabolism-  You better get going in Week Five!!!

My Little Red Wagon of Fat

http://www.flickr.com/photos/rawartists/5756311534/in/photostream/

This was it.  The link above contains the photo I saw today that solidified what I have been feeling for the past year.  I have been carrying too much of me about the town. 

I immediately called up my best friend, Samm (a.k.a. Schwann) and said, "I just realized that I'm fat, dear Shwann."  And of course we both started laughing.

I don't care for measuring up to anyone else's version of beauty.  They all have way too low of standards for my looks.  People tell me I'm very editorial and high fashion.

Anyway, it's more about feeling good and fit and ready to tackle the rest of my life.  I've struggled with weight throughout my life, and it gets pretty aggravating to have the same reoccuring problem through so many years.  It's as if I am the haunted kid in the movie Insidious and a red wagon of fat keeps circling my bed.  (Sorry, I simultaneously had a flashback of Oprah when she lost all of her weight and pulled out a bag of fat on stage in a wagon).  I've been through this so many times before that I know if I don't stop and get it together now, I will be an even bigger mess later. 

I'm in my early thirties and I know now is the time.  It is the time for both Samm and I to finally put this behind us.  We've been hiding behind our humor for too long.  We will now become those serious people who grunt in gyms too loudly, and never smile behind our sports goggles and biking helmets. 

Not really.  That would suck.  We just want to be fit before it's too late!  To one day feel physically capable of more than just laughing.  Love to all, and cheers to the attempt to change one's lifestyle!