Saturday, August 6, 2011

But I'm Only 33

One week ago today, I woke up at 4:37am and couldn't move.  It took me nearly 15 minutes to get from my bed to my bathroom no more than 15 feet away and the entire time I feared that I was going to wet myself right there on my bedroom floor.  One week ago today, it seems, I turned 90 years old.

But I'm only 33.

The evening before, I was packing up some books and I had managed to pull something in my lower back with what was apparently an inappropriate lifting method.  I felt it slip and heard it pop and hurried to take a hot bath in the hopes that any damage could be quickly averted.  I was wrong.  One week ago today, I was reminded how increasingly important it is to take care of myself, especially as I get older.

I quit smoking a month and a half ago and it seems I replaced my pack-a-day habit with a Mac-a-day habit (curses to McDonald's for being everywhere).  In the six short weeks since I quit smoking, I have gained almost 10 pounds.  Pulling my back and being immobile for a week reinforced that it is time to do something about my not-so-young-and-spry-anymore body.  I had horrible flashbacks of a television show on TLC about how the world's fattest man had to be taken by flat-bed truck to the doctor, only after having the side of his house torn down so he could be taken out.  No thank you.

I remember the last time I was thin.  Toni Basil's "Micky" was popular and people called me Sammy.  It was 1982.  I was 4 years old and my love for all things fried and starchy had not yet kicked into overdrive.  When I first started gaining weight, I would pray at night. "Dear God, please let me have my baby while I sleep so I can wake up skinny," I would silently beg with my pudgy fingers interlocked and my young mind clueless about how babies were made.  "Love, Sammy," I would end, so the big guy would know it was me and not some other husky kid in my small town.  You know, just to be sure.

Fast forward 29 years later (how can that have happened so quickly and I still look 26, 27 tops?) and it's time I finally have this stinkin' baby.  I'll be working out consistently and eating foods that are better for me.  This is goodbye to my McDoubles from the dollar menu and hello to much better choices.

I'm not getting any younger.

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